I got to hear a high level overview of how most everyone has fled – yes, during a recession, and due to the same, the vacancies were not back filled. A small mass hire of underpaid front line ninjas are slated to be hired in the New Year and the last ones standing can’t wait for them to get up to speed so they can bail on the over stressed mean and nasty manager without guilt of leaving the place empty. Sigh….

I pushed back the temptation to comment, knowing my energy would be better spent on the blog post dancing in my head like sugarplums, for the benefit of those who might read it. We vowed to find each other on Facebook and never lose touch again.

Viva, the best paper towel in the US, made its way  into my cart and I made my way to the check out. I could see past the two people in front of me that the cashier had spent a good deal of prep time embedding a reindeer antler headband into her intricately contrived up do. Every piece of over processed hair that wasn’t broken off was strategically aqua netted into place. I tried not to stare but then figured that was what she was going for so I gawked as I wondered if she would ever get it out without having to shave her head. I vaguely remember catching Paula Deen on a magazine cover claiming to have the most delicious cookie recipes and then out of the corner of my eye another outrageous claim:

You can learn to love your job

My wonder at how people get paid to write drivel was only superseded by thoughts of how this was similar to Patty Hearst learning to love her stint with the Symbionese Liberation Army. Let’s call a spade a spade…

All jobs have elements that are more appealing and less so… Take my lack of love for the annual benefits open enrollment process and pig squealing delight at every opportunity I get to talk with college students about their career development, as concrete examples. Nonetheless, my job has so many wunderbar things about it that I don’t even have to think twice about if I love it or not. I do, in a matrimonial kind of way.

The week I was discharged from the Air Force I went to the State (un)employment office and the Veterans Rep wrote a name and address on a piece of paper he signed and handed me – “He’ll give you a job”. As hugely grateful as I was, I could only package freshly made rubber bands for 2 days before I was gaga… I talked to people during the 10 minute breaks we got when the whistle blew that had been there 25 years making pencil erasers and running the box folder and got hives. I felt badly but I  had to go up to that nice man and tell him I wasn’t coming back.

There was nothing, I mean nothing, no savvy journalistic technique to be had that could have made me love that job.

Let’s leave the sugar coating for the gingerbread cookies…

PS… No, I do not get fringe benefits for recommending groceries, please stop your wild imagination.

Pay attention Letterman, you never know when your number will come up.

1. Write a cover letter.
   Most people don’t these days and if you do you WILL stand out. Make sure that it is customized for each company you are applying to. Templates are fine, you can’t change your life in every letter. Just make sure you at least name the position, company contact name if available and reason for wanting to be employed there. And please, explain your gaps in employment and reason for a change in career objectives if applicable.
2. You have an objectives statement that is customized and meaningful or you leave it off.
   If you keep pasting ,”Employment with an organization that allows me to reach my potential and has room for advancement” the Recruiter is just gonna’ puke – so don’t do it, OK?
3. You don’t fall for putting “References Available Upon Request” on your resume.
   We Recruiters are pretty darned smart as a breed. Put it this way, we don’t need references unless we’re really interested in you. If we get to that point and ask you for them and you can’t cough them up you’re toast… So, we know they’re available, OK? No need to take up room with that. It will help you keep it to 2 pages.
4. You fore go submitting a novel for a well constructed, aesthetically pleasing, maximum 2 page resume.
   No matter how tempting your autobiography is, we are not Literary Agents, at least at the day job. This means you too CEO, CIO, COO, CFO and all your alphabet friends. Even if we called you first and asked you to consider the position we’re still going to need a resume and it can’t be a white paper on you. Save the white papers for your portfolio.
5. You have a portfolio.
   It could be your website, examples of your work, white papers, power points, whatever, but it exists and you present it well. Oh, and it is your work, you didn’t copy and paste.
6. Your social networking profiles reveal you are squeaky clean.
   A Google search doesn’t trigger sirens and red strobe lights. You know, like this…

   

7. You study up for the interview.
   You research the top players, you know the mission statement, you comment on recent achievements authoritatively. In other words, you took the time to investigate through LinkedIn contacts you went after and asked for advice, you read industry reports and you got on the good side of the Receptionist and you gleaned insider knowledge which you use during the interview to show you don’t miss a beat and you are pro-active, full of energy and ready to assume the position.
8. You leave panel interviewers feeling like if they don’t select you it will be their loss.
   You are “the one” and it’s not going to get done right without you, woo hoo!
9. You do judicious customized follow-up with each interviewer by name and sprinkle in reasons why you are even more interested in the position after the interview.
   Even if you regurgitate back what they told you they were looking for do something… don’t leave empty airwaves.
10. You negotiate the offer with finesse and send me a thank you email.
    I’m going to start collecting a dime for my words of wisdom. Let’s see where that gets me. When the market gets going good again I’ll be bumping that up to a quarter so speak now if you want a good deal.

What would you add to or subtract from this list? It’s a working document not the 10 Commandments set in stone so chisel away!