KARLA PORTER

Whether you’re a cow­ard cloaked in anonymity behind a thumb­nail eye­ball avatar and  freaky alias  or gutsy and stu­pid enough to be forth­com­ing with who you are you need to wake up. Being a SMKB™ is a fast track  to career and cred­i­bil­ity suicide.

You ‘re a Class A whiner — about every­thing. No one wants to hear it. Life is tough enough, no one needs you to make theirs miserable. You’re argu­men­ta­tive about the the sun being a planet and you belit­tle and berate your boss/coworker/employer and blab it every­where for the world to see. SMKB™, you  never have  any­thing nice to say ever.

If you think life is hor­ri­ble and unfair, you do noth­ing to improve your­self or advance and every­one is an idiot but you, your issues are siz­able, your ego off the charts, your poten­tial less than promis­ing and your future pre­dictably bleak. I’m here to help with this wake up call. You can ignore it, or you can lis­ten and save your immor­tal vir­tual soul.

I have news for you SMKB™. Suc­cess only comes in one fla­vor — POSITIVE.

Your rants reach eyes and ears in a way you must not be imag­in­ing and they will live on for your grand­chil­dren to Google. If you are mak­ing the Recruiter’s mouse go into alert mode from your dis­plays of nas­ti­ness don’t expect an interview. 

Take the case of Admin­is­tra­tive Assis­tant, C.K. Dex­ter Haven. Six para­graphs, a few stand alone sen­tences and 7 bul­lets as to why the job sucks and is prac­ti­cally intol­er­a­ble. The ball and chain gig is only wor­thy of being there for the benefits.

C.K., what is wrong with you? You don’t see the writ­ing on the wall, do you? And the major­ity of your read­ers who com­mented are the mis­ery loves com­pany type… toxic crew you have gath­ered there. If you stopped wal­low­ing in the mire and looked up you might be able to see sun­light. You’re going to end up stay­ing there in that bot­tom­less pit of a job you so detest because any­one that fig­ures out you’re not really Olive Oil or a Gnome is neva gonna touch you with a ten foot pole. You have con­demned your­self to career sui­cide unless you snap out of it and redeem your evil ways.

What kind of future do you think Trina Thomp­son has? Three months out of col­lege and whin­ing she hasn’t been placed in the worst reces­sion since the Great Depres­sion when sea­soned expe­ri­enced peo­ple are unemployed.

I have to ask, Trina, why are you spe­cial? You’re a brand spank­ing new grad who put your­self out there in the pub­lic light talk­ing smack and prov­ing you are lit­i­ga­tion happy. I don’t fore­see an inter­view in your future, I see the can­di­date wit­ness pro­tec­tion pro­gram and a major atti­tude adjust­ment or soda can recycling.

OK Trina, you weren’t tweet­ing about it but this falls into social media because that’s where I learned about it. So, you became a SMKB™ by asso­ci­a­tion. It counts. 

What can the 2 of you do except tweet-up and cry on one another’s shoul­der? You can rejoice that your exam­ples have taught a les­son to oth­ers, learn from your erred ways and pray.

P.S. I’m run­ning to the Post Office (before they close it down) tomor­row morn­ing at 8am to ™ SMKB™.… don’t any­one dare!